My sisters wedding is drawing ever closer, in fact bridesmaids dresses were purchased just this week so 'Operation Slamming Bod' had to step up a gear. Or Operation 1 pair of pull-you-ins instead of 4...
Working out was something I did regularly and enjoyed before having the three mahoods. I played football and used to go to exercise classes. In fact, while living in California for a year on a spouses visa, I couldn't get a job due to the restrictions of the visa (devasted!) so I decided that I would spend my time getting superfit! I went to classes at the gym like it was my job and even used to do an extra bit on an exercise bike after! Before you start thinking what a smug bitch I only stayed on the exercise bike until I had burned the amount of calories in a bottle of wine as a wee security deposit, just in case!
As well as gyming it back in the pre baby days I used to do fitness dvds in the house for the many times I just couldn't be arsed to go out and relied on my good friends Davina, Jennifer Ellison and Jillian Michaels to whip me into shape! I say friends...sometimes I hated those bitches!!
So I decided I would go big today and start my first exercise session with the DVD I remember being the worst, Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. It's a 25 minute workout which is short but gruesome! Jillian insists that you make every second count and take no breaks because otherwise it defeats the purpose or some shit....
Like ripping a plaster off I decided to just do it first thing so I got the big girl and the wee girl their breakfast and handed over parenting to Go Jetters in the kitchen while I got myself all set up in living room with a glass of water and 'weights' (cans of chopped tomatoes). The baby was given no choice but to witness my exploits from the front row, and off I went!!
Our living room and kitchen are separated by double glass doors which weren't locked and I'd say it took less than 10 secs for the big girl and the wee girl to down toast and come in the investigate what was going on! Heaven forbid mammy should attempt to do something without their knowledge/presence!!
As well as gyming it back in the pre baby days I used to do fitness dvds in the house for the many times I just couldn't be arsed to go out and relied on my good friends Davina, Jennifer Ellison and Jillian Michaels to whip me into shape! I say friends...sometimes I hated those bitches!!
So I decided I would go big today and start my first exercise session with the DVD I remember being the worst, Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. It's a 25 minute workout which is short but gruesome! Jillian insists that you make every second count and take no breaks because otherwise it defeats the purpose or some shit....
Like ripping a plaster off I decided to just do it first thing so I got the big girl and the wee girl their breakfast and handed over parenting to Go Jetters in the kitchen while I got myself all set up in living room with a glass of water and 'weights' (cans of chopped tomatoes). The baby was given no choice but to witness my exploits from the front row, and off I went!!
Our living room and kitchen are separated by double glass doors which weren't locked and I'd say it took less than 10 secs for the big girl and the wee girl to down toast and come in the investigate what was going on! Heaven forbid mammy should attempt to do something without their knowledge/presence!!
Big girl: I want to do it too mammy!
Aw how adorable will this be....
Me: (Out of breath. Yes already!!) Away you go Love!
The big girl starts swinging her arms like me and the wee girl is running around in circles. After the warm up Jillian tells me to grab my weights! I lift my cans of tomatoes and start doing what I'm told.
Big girl: I need weights too!
PAUSE. Away I go to find weights. Come back with two wee empty bottles of aptimil.
PLAY. I go back to lunging and presses and the wee girl starts her squeal that tells me she's unhappy with the fact that the big girl has weights and she doesn't.
PAUSE. It's silly Mammy's own fault for not predicting this would happen and just getting two sets in the first place! Come back with weights for the wee girl.
PLAY. After the lunges it's cardio time 
😬. Jumping jacks followed by skipping and I'm knackered! Check the time and only 7.03 minutes in!!! Time to get a quick mouthful of water before I die.
😬. Jumping jacks followed by skipping and I'm knackered! Check the time and only 7.03 minutes in!!! Time to get a quick mouthful of water before I die.
Big girl: I need my drink too!
Me: Go and get it then!
Big girl: (Immediately, without taking a breath) But I can't find it!
Me: (In my head) You could try actually looking for it....
(Out loud, knowing it's just quicker!
🙄) Right I'll get it!
Me: Go and get it then!
Big girl: (Immediately, without taking a breath) But I can't find it!
Me: (In my head) You could try actually looking for it....
(Out loud, knowing it's just quicker!
🙄) Right I'll get it!
PAUSE. I get both girls drinks because I'm wiser this time and come back.
PLAY. Next up is press ups. Kill me. Kill me now! Then weights again but this time squatting. The wee girl sees a bended knee and takes this as an invitation to sit on my knee. I try to move back a bit so she doesn't get clocked by a flying can of tomatoes but this is taken as the ultimate rejection and she starts crying!
PAUSE. Sort the wee girl out and give everyone a designated area to do their exercises in (hahahaha!)
PLAY. More jumping jacks and skipping....Fun times. Now the big girl and the wee girl are starting to get a bit fed up and instead of going back out to finish their breakfast with the Go Jetters, they start looking for things to do in the living room! They don't have to look very far to find the curtains and curtain pole complete with screws(taken down 4 weeks ago by himself to paint the living room and never returned to the wall! I have obviously suggested* they'd need hung again on a few** occasions until last night when I gave a more forceful encouragement*** and he got the ladder down. Came back from my weight loss class to find everything much the same and was told he 'ran out of steam' after getting the ladder.....
😒🙄)
*went on like a fish wife
**many, many, many, many......
***squealed are these curtains ever going back on the wall
The wee girl gets the screws and the big girl grabs the pole!
😒🙄)*went on like a fish wife
**many, many, many, many......
***squealed are these curtains ever going back on the wall
The wee girl gets the screws and the big girl grabs the pole!
PAUSE. Removed choking hazard and prevented the baby from being decapitated by a curtain pole.
PLAY. More push ups....
ðŸ˜I get up from the ground to see the wee girl sitting at the top of the ladder looking delighted with herself! How in gods name did she even get it opened!?
ðŸ˜I get up from the ground to see the wee girl sitting at the top of the ladder looking delighted with herself! How in gods name did she even get it opened!?
PAUSE: While having a small heart attack, which could be ladder or Jillian related, I get the wee girl down and move the ladder to the hall.
PLAY. Jillian tells me this is the last cardio!! Thanks be to all that is holy! And the baby starts piping up looking for the rest of her bottle. I finish the cardio and decide to give the stretches a miss because I don't fancy doing them to a soundtrack of squealing.
STOP.
25 minute workout not even finished took me 45 mins! This shit was definitely easier before having the mahoods but ironically is more necessary now.....
Wonder if I burned off the calories in a bottle of wine.....
#jillianisbodygoalsthough
#andalsoabitscary
#mylegsarealreadysore
#andalsoabitscary
#mylegsarealreadysore
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